I am having a really rough time with March. Thankfully, it's coming to an end soon.

I've been to the gym a few times and started eating, some days. Still not feeling myself 100%.

BUT I'm trying.

So, I went to the gym tonight, for the first time in almost 2 weeks. I consider not coming home and going to bed by 6:30 progress.

Maybe tomorrow, or Friday, I'll feel up to it again. Can't really think too far ahead.

I'm trying.

Well, it's certainly been an eventful last week or so.

Seriously. Can I get boring and dull please? I'll take that over this any day.

I still have no appetite, though I've been trying to eat at least a little bit. Trust me, I know it's not healthy, and the last thing I need is any sort of major health complications because of it.

I know I am going to get through this. Things are just really difficult right now, and honestly, I am trying to make sense of my life right now. Fuck being 30. I thought this was all supposed to get easier as we got older?

I'm still down 11.5 pounds since last Monday. Have tried to at least eat once a day, and hoping that soon my normal appetite will return.

Down 11.5.

I still have minimal desire to eat. Maybe today.

Well, fuck my life.

I don't know how often I'll update for now. Maybe I won't for awhile. I'm not much in the mood to share any good news, well, because there isn't any.

Amazing what can change in a day.

I haven't been to the gym in days. I can't eat. I've lost 7 pounds since Monday.

I should be happy, right?

Fuck it.

Gym tonight. Gym tomorrow night after work with boyfriend. Gym Friday morning. Gym Sunday.

4x a week. I think that's pretty good considering I've been a bum since NOVEMBER.

Alright.

At this point, I'm going to aim to update once a week. That way when it's more frequent than that, it'll be a nice little surprise for all of us. Myself included.

This week has SUCKED. I was having issues going to the bathroom all of last week...thought maybe it was from the protein powder I was using for my shakes in the morning, because I couldn't think of anything else that had changed in my daily routine.

By the weekend, I was MISERABLE. I'm normally very, very regular, so this was hell.

I tried eating things that normally go right through me. Coffee after Mike and I went to dinner Friday night. NOTHING. Even went as far as to pick up some laxatives on Saturday...took that before I went to bed, said 'produces movement in 6-12 hours'. great. Now we wait.

NOTHING. WHAT THE HELL?!?!?! So, I did the unthinkable. Mike had this stuff that you take before you're having a colonoscopy. Yes. Colon cleanse. You drink it mixed with water, and it's supposed to work as early as 30 minutes. At this point I was desperate, and was tired of feeling like total shit and having it ruin my day. So, a few hours later, it kicked in. We're about to get real personal here but fuck it, it's my blog and if you're reading it, you know me well enough to know that I don't care. :)

After throwing up twice and shitting 12 times - yes, you read that correctly - TWELVE TIMES - in a span of about 6, 6.5 hours, I was finally able to feel some sort of relief and sleep. I woke up Monday feeling a little better, and frankly starving because - well, my body was EMPTY.

I don't even want to get on the scale. Because even though I feel like I lost 20 pounds in a day, I'll get on there and probably be pissed. So, we'll see tomorrow morning if I make that decision or not.

Friday, we go shopping for dresses for wedding #1. If that's not motivation, I don't know what is.

I'd prefer not to be the 'big bridesmaid' :)