1st challenge.

So, the last 4 days have not been that bad, really. Day 1 was a little rough, I was hungry all day and all I could think about was food. But I got through it. Even yesterday, which on Fridays, work provides lunch - I did okay. It was hoagies and I just didn't eat the bread. Scooped the tuna right out of the sandwich, and then ate some of what I brought too. But, here we are upon the weekend...

Always tricky. Unless I lock myself in the house, it's going to be a challenge. And I refuse to do that. I just need to stay focused and not let things get out of control. Eye on the prize. If I can get through today and tomorrow, Monday is here - and then Tuesday is already 1 week down.

I can do it.

May get to the gym today, have a lot of other odds and ends type things I wanna do...we'll see.

Bleh.

Well, waking up today was definitely different, having NOT gone to the gym last night. I noticed a huge difference in how I slept, and also how I felt in the morning. I hope I don't drag ass today. Right now, I just want to go back to bed for like, a day.

Ugh.

In other news, I cheated and got on the scale already. Down 4. Ha!

gym

Last night was my first time back to the gym in...weeks? Months? I honestly, could not even tell you - that's how long it has been. Either way, completely unacceptable not only for the fact that I am paying for it each month, but realistically, you can't just think yourself skinny.

I've tried. Doesn't work.

I last 18 minutes on the elliptical, did 1.5 miles. At around the 14 minute mark my muscles started to feel like they were separating from my bones, so I didn't want to overdue it. Again, it's been.....yeah, I wanted to be able to walk today. I'm sore, but not incapacitated. It's that good sore. The feeling you have when you know you've EARNED feeling sore.

Not sure why I wait so damn long...I always feel much better after being there. Even for 20 minutes. Still making the effort to GO. Doesn't mean I have to get in 2 hours each day. I just have to DO it.

I was also able to pick up a print out of what I have paid since January, that I can submit to work and they reimburse up $120 of what you put out for a gym membership. Pretty cool, huh?

Oh, and where the hell did December come from? Seriously...this year has FLOWN.

Well, I survived yesterday. Luckily I was busy at work and also distracted with car issues... I still felt like I was thinking about food constantly. Hopefully today will be better.

I really am impatient about this whole thing. You would think by know I'd have it figured out...

Day 1, version 3...

I found it so much easier to wake up yesterday on my day off, than I did today.

Found time to make breakfast...2 eggs, 2 pieces of turkey sausage, glass of low sodium V8. Mmm, yum - right?

Got on the scale this morning, and while I am not at my heaviest weight that I was last October, I am a little too close to it than I'd like to be...and should be far away by now. But, I fucked up and let all of my hard work from last November - March 30th go down the drain.

Am I pissed? Sure. Disappointed in myself? Absolutely. But feeling pissed and disappointed isn't going to make change. I need to be positive. Believe in myself. Move forward.

So, here we go again.

First goal is to be down 10 by Christmas.

3 1/2 weeks. 26 days.

Once I hit that goal, I'll reveal the others...because there are plenty of benchmarks that stand between me and 75 pounds less of me.

No really.

Apparently that last post, was bullshit.

November has come and gone, just about - and I am finally getting my act together. Phase 1 begins tomorrow. Again. For the 3rd and hopefully final time, but I doubt that - because really, I will always struggle. I need to accept that, it will make things a lot easier.

Went food shopping today, ate all kinds of bad stuff to the point of feeling even more gross about myself, and threw out anything that was bad in my cabinets, fridge...there wasn't much. I'm not bad about the stuff I buy. My eating habits have just been completely erratic. I let others influence me too much. I've gotten lazy. Complacent.

Need to get back to the gym too.

Tired of making excuses.

3rd times a charm?

Back at square one. Again.

Honestly, this is getting old. I am tired of allowing myself to get to the point of complete frustration, gain weight back, and THEN decided to fix it. When am I going to learn? Or won't I? Will this always be something I have to struggle with? Something I have to work at every day of my life?

Ugh.

That's how I feel right now.

Ugh.

5k in 5 days. I am terrified. I haven't been to the gym in lord knows how long. My schedule has been turned upside down with the new job - which I love - but I have had zero time for myself really, and when I do, I just want to sleep. Yeah, because I'm fat - that's what happens. You're tired all the time.

Completely aggravated. Disgusted. Annoyed. Frustrated. Get the point???

Here we go again.

November 1, same time I started last year, took me until March to lose 30, and I've managed to gain most of it back. I'd like to be down 15 between now and the end of the month.

Ready, go.