Frustrated.

This has been a rough week.

I haven't been able to get to the gym. I am frustrated. I haven't eaten a normal day's worth of food, in 5 days.

Aside from my own personal health, I feel like I am failing someone close to me. Well, maybe not failing, but they're in a spot and I don't know how to help them. Maybe I can't? At what point do you accept you can't fix something and just try to be supportive the best you can? I suppose that's where I'm at...what I need to fix...I need to understand, that I can't do anything but just be...and that's okay.

Normally, I can go to the gym and that distracts me - if even temporarily. I can get it out...destress, refocus, all of it. I have had NO outlet for over a week now, and I am way too much in my own head.

I can't do it.

Meh.

I woke up today, "feeling" better...like myself. Apparently, that was temporary.

I have eaten ONCE, like real food - since Sunday evening, and that was a salad. How in the hell is anything still coming out of me?

You should know by now, that if you are reading my blog I am not going to sensor it or worry about offending anyone, so if it gets too personal...well, I'm not sorry. lol

This is to the point of getting ridiculous. I can't eat without it going right through me, so I don't eat. Well, you don't eat, you don't have energy. I am tired of laying around, doing nothing. I have a rehearsal tonight. I want to EAT. This is so damn aggravating!!!

Ugh.

It's amazing the difference a week can make.

Last week, I was feeling somewhat defeated...set an unrealistic goal for myself, and backtracked a bit.

This week, I get sick - and may possibly have gotten the jump start that I have been waiting for, for the last few weeks.

I originally wanted to be down an additional 15 pounds by my birthday...35 total, since November 1. Then decided that was too much, since I gained a few back over Xmas/NYE...well, I have since lost the few I gained, and an additional 6.5 pounds.

Since Sunday.

Total, since November 1, I am down 23.5...I think it is feasible that I could lose another 11.5 by my birthday (27 days).

Being sick sucks.

I'm not sure what is wrong with me, hoping it is just a temporary bug, but man - I have not felt this sick in as long as I can remember.

Went to bed around 830 last night...woke up 2 hours later, throwing up. This proceeded to happen every 2 hours through the night, last time was around 630am. Diarhea too. Like really? At one point it was taking all of my energy to walk from my bed, to the bathroom. I would go from sweating to having the chills within minutes. Couldn't even keep fluids down.

Weighed myself this evening, and I've lost 5.5 - since YESTERDAY.

I need to eat, I have no energy but I'm afraid to because I don't want it to come right back up. Hoping that this subsides by the morning.

Whew.

Weighed this morning...back to my pre-Christmas weight...thankfully!

I have another dress fitting on the 29th for Chrissy's wedding...IDEALLY I would like to be down another 10 by then. That's 3 weeks. I can do that, right???

Haven't posted any pictures lately, so here's an update...these are from mid December.

Nothing earthshattering, slow and steady - but these don't make me want to vomit like the one from July did!

Gym yesterday. What a disaster. It was packed, all the new years resolutioners were there, all super motivated...hopefully that won't last. I mean, don't get me wrong I am glad that people want to be healthy but it is always a headache after the 1st of the year, when it is mad crowded. Usually doesn't take long to thin out...just kinda funny that the 'regulars' get lazy because they don't want to deal with the temporary scene of madness. Hopefully it will subside.

Didn't get to the gym today...legs are still kind of tight from yesterday. Also barely ate. Had lunch with the girls, and had A roll -well that was a bad, bad idea...within an hour I was sick. That was enough for me to lose my appetite and motivation to eat for today.

Here's hoping tomorrow will be better...otherwise, life is good! Lots of reasons to smile... :)