Weekends are TOUGH.

A lot tougher than I thought they would be...busy, hectic, and tempting. I found myself in a lot of situations this weekend where I could have made really bad choices regarding food - and I didn't.

I'm impressed with my own level of self control. I refuse to fail at this.

Saturday, went to Corey's football game...which lead to Jim's Steaks in the city, and of course - the bar - with some of the Reilly crew. Do you have any idea HOW HARD it is to sit there and eat a cheesesteak sans roll? UGH. I so badly wanted to bite into that nice fluffy loaf of goodness, but I was good. I ate it with a fork.

And I didn't even lick the roll.

The bar - same deal. I wasn't going to drink anyway with having the race this morning, but to sit there for hours and not have a beer, shot or any alcohol whatsoever - is tough.

5k was today. COLD. I felt like someone was stabbing me in the chest with a knife when I breathed, that's how cold it was. Legs are sore, hips are sore, I am exhausted. But - glad that we managed to pull it off yet again.

Tomorrow starts the 2nd week of phase 1. I am eager to get on the scale and see how the first week has gone...

Day 5...still alive

The end of week one is coming to a close - soon...just have to get through the weekend, which is always tough. Schedule is different, more social 'excuses'. I have the race Sunday, and rehearsal so that should keep me structured.

Kind of distracted today - thus the late entry...but hot damn - a full week and I have written every day. That is an accomplishment in itself.

I feel good today. Kath and I had a great workout last night a the gym. For the first time in awhile I am feeling GOOD, and not so 'fluffy'. I mean, I still am and will be for awhile, but I am feeling better.

Improvement!

Blah.

Today is pretty craptastic. Rainy, cold - good day to stay in bed.

I started to feel like I was getting sick last night, don't have time for that...took some Zicam. Little better today, but it still feels like it is trying. I am planning on getting to the gym today for a nice long workout, that always helps.

Day 4. A week ago today I was at the doctor, and wanted to throw the scale at the poor nurse. Certainly was the wake up call that I needed...could have been a little nicer though, it felt more like a slap in the face.

I am not ready for this race on Sunday. At all. My left knee has been giving me problems off and on the last 2 weeks, feels like I hyperextended it or something. Hopefully I will be good to go. If not, I'll just take alot of pain meds. :)

A plus to being on SB, I am rediscovering a lot of foods that I really enjoy but just never made the time to have before. Lots of good veggies, hummus, healthy snacks as opposed to crap that always made me feel unsatisfied and wanting to eat more. No lie, last night I really wanted fucking pizza. For the first time all week, I was thinking about food - other than when am I eating again. I hope that was a fleeting thought because frankly, I am refusing to fail.

So far...

Day 3.

First 3 days are usually the hardest...and yet, I feel fine. Maybe it is because I've been here before and know what to expect? I dunno.

Yesterday was tricky. I was gone a lot of the day and evening and had to get creative with eating, but did okay. Didn't sleep too great last night, so I got a late start today but I'll adjust.

Weather is not looking so grand for the race on Sunday. COLD. Where the hell is fall? We seemed to have just face planted into winter.

Should get to the gym this afternoon...we'll see how the knee feels. Getting old & being overweight are no bueno on the joints. Luckily, I'm trying to fix half of that...

I cheated.

Yep.

I'm weak, what can I say?

Not in the way that you're thinking though...


I got on the scale this morning.

I know, I know. I am a big supporter of not being scale obsessed. Your body weight can fluctuate naturally on a daily basis even when you aren't dieting. Honestly, you are best to weigh once a week. My weigh in days will be Mondays.

I had to. I felt so good this morning. After getting through yesterday, I needed the reinforcement of 'yes, this is going to work for me, again'.

Down 2.

Granted it is probably water weight, or a result of having shit like 5 times yesterday, or perhaps the 45 minutes on the elliptical last night - WHO CARES. It is moving in the right direction, and I feel good.

I was even behaved last night. Went to the bar - remember, no alcohol for the 1st two weeks - for Courtney's birthday. I was good. No alcohol. No crappy bar food. I am impressed with my own self control. ;)

I promise I won't get on again until Monday.

Day 1...again

Today is the day.

I slept like shit last night, couldn't get comfortable. Felt sick. No doubt it was because of everything I ate. Fast food for lunch, pasta dinner complete with garlic bread, Halloween candy, soda, dessert. Ugh!!! How do people eat like this on a regular basis? Oh right, they're the ones that can't leave their bedroom because they're huge.

Gross. I felt completely gross. Which, was the goal. Despite a rough nights sleep, my mindset is dead on today. I am still totally disgusted & motivated.

First goal acheived.

I have an ideal weight loss goal, that I will hit. I also have smaller ones along the way...10 pounds, 20 pounds, getting under 200. Milestones if you will. I'll get there. I am more determined than ever.

Sunday is the brain tumor 5k. Should get to the gym at least 3, maybe 4 days this week beforehand...too cold to run outside, though I think Saturday I'll have to so Sunday isn't a total shock. Ideally, I want to beat my time from 2 years ago.

Til tomorrow...

Take two.

Here we go again.

Tomorrow, starts SB round #2. I hit my point of absolute disgust on Thursday. Doctor's appointment, got weighed, and I am officially my heaviest ever.

Fucking awesome.

Well, I kept saying I needed motivation. That was a total bitch slap to the face.

So, I took the weekend as it came. Ate my face off today. Went food shopping for all of the necessities for the next few weeks, and I start tomorrow.

Again.

Part of me wants to be angry with myself. Having already gone through this struggle, I swore that I would never be at this point again...and yet, here I am and it is going to be even harder this time. That isn't going to do me much good. So, I am refocusing and getting my fat ass back on track. I am done feeling this way.

Stay tuned...